She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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