THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
