apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize