Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Randomize
