girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
i drank out of a bidet.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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