Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Randomize
