you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
