I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize