How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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