My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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