Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
