I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
