i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
