I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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