Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
