The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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