her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
