i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
