I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Randomize
