I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
