also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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