Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
