i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
