I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
