My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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