I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
