so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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