"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Randomize
