Need sex. Gaining weight.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
