oh god the rape fog is back!
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
