Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
