New invention idea: vibrating tampons
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I met the friendliest cop last night
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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