Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
