Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
