Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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