The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
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