just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
