I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
