u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
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