I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
