ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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