You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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