Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
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