If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize