where does the pee come out of this thing
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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