i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
