Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
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