We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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