no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
