i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
