Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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