what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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