It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
