He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
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