hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
