There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
