How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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