I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
