i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Randomize
