I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Randomize
