1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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