Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
