I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
