I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
so much tequila, so little girl.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Randomize
