ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
