You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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