I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
