you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
