its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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