Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
fuck your aforementioned shoe
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
