she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Randomize
