Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Randomize
