dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
