I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
