i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
